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Terkadang manusia itu tidak pasti. Semua yang dikatakan pasti akan diingkari. Namun kamu tidak. Sebut saja lama lalu. Kamu bilang butuh. Sampai sekarang tetap butuh. Tetapi cuma butuh. Bisakah melihat? Bisakah mendengar sekitarmu? Apa salahnya untuk mencoba. Toh dulu penemuan juga hasil mencoba. Aku mau jujur. Namun sangat sulit. Kadang kenyataan selalu melilit. Mendesak, dan menghimpit. Aku takut kamu lari. Ke hutan, atau ke pantai seperti puisi cinta. Tapi bukan itu yang selalu menghantui. Yang aku takut adalah hilangnya sibakan rambutmu saat digerai, gigi putihmu saat menyeringai, alismu yang mengerucut, bahak dari tawa tulusmu, atau senyummu di segala waktu. Entah apa yang aku bisa lakukan, saat matamu berhenti berbicara. Hidup, aku mohon jangan sulit. Tuhan, aku mohon segala ampunan. Aku, aku mohon untuk mengerti.

Fana

Fana.

Aku rindu pada dunia yang indah dan tak kenal sendu.
Aku ingin dunia yang hangat dan tak kenal dingin.
Dimana aku bisa merasa dengan sesuka,
meski kamu tak kunjung merasa suka.

Saat ku merasa, kosong aku sangka.
Hampa nyaris mengisi hati maupun jiwa.
Salahku? Atau salahmu?
Mungkin aku tak mendengar semua perkataanmu.

Apa yang aku rasa, lambat laun berguguran.
Bagai daun jatuh dari lengan-lengan dahan.
Aku tahu mereka akan dihembus.
Terhempas tak tentu arah terus menerus.
Menunggu untuk waktu yang semu,
Sembari berdiam di pikiran sempit.

Andai semua omonganmu itu aku yakini.
Tak perlu angin membawa aku kesana kemari.
Bukan judul yang aku mau untuk kita.
Bukan akhir yang aku mau untuk cerita.

Hanya satu yang kulihat di dunia sana.
Dimana para "tidak", adalah sesuatu yang fana.

Masihkah?

.....

aku lari, lari ke tanjung sendiri

entah senyap atau bising menemani

aku diam, lepas dari penat

meski mimpi masih menjerat

masihkah aku mencoba?

hilang lah kau, kelam!

mengapa masih kau merajam?

gambar lah diriku, dan warnai muka ku

sampai hitamku tenggelam

aku tanya kepada aku,

masihkah kamu mencoba?

I'm not living, I'm just killing time.

 True Love Waits.

"I'll drown my beliefs
To have you be in peace
I'll dress like your niece
And wash your swollen feet

Just don't leave
Don't leave

I'm not living
I'm just killing time
Your tiny hands

Your crazy kitten smile

Just, don't leave
Don't leave

And true love waits
In haunted attics
And true love lives
On lollipops and crisps

Just don't leave
Don't leave"

 

Tik-Tik.

lelah rasanya.

termenung diam, tanpa henti.

sendiri aku benci.

sendiri setiap hari.

benci. aku benci.

hujan merintik, membasahi jendela.

tumpah semua, jatuh tanpa arah.

andai butir-butir itu adalah cengkrama,

sendiriku pun akan sirna.

Number 1.

    I yawned carelessly as i wake myself up. It's late afternoon already. For me, weekdays are just like weekends. I sleep where ever and when ever i want. But, this time i woke up in a class. A physique class.

oh no, i am in trouble. because my teacher is not really nice. His hair is kind of long, with no bangs. He's about 5 feet 5" tall, shorter than me. But all i hate from him is not his appearance. It's his words which came from his mouth that hurt me all along. I better get prepared, and pretend i didn't sleep.

   As my chair mate put his belongings into his bag, i grasped my pocket. There, i felt something shaped like a box. It's  my blackberry. I pulled the black gadget out and start typing the code that lock the system. j-u-d-a-s. and the screen showed me that I just unlocked my phone. My eyes rolled and stuck on the notifications. I got 2 messages, and 1 BBM message. who the hell are texting me in the middle of a school day? And then i looked up and saw that it's almost time to go home.

    I checked the 2 text messages i got first. They came from people I don't know. One from my service provider, and one from an anonymous number that said, "Son, please buy me a calling credit. I'm in the police office, and I am in trouble. My phone went dead, so someone lent me his phone. Do not call this number. Thank you, Son.", pfff another trickster. Do you think I would buy that? Nice try, ama-- "Mr. Firstknight, would you keep your phone in your bag, please?", a sudden voice from my teacher cut my mind. "Yes, Sir. I am sorry." I said with a hand putting my phone back into my bag. "You better be." He answered without even looking at my eyes. In a matter of seconds, his attention went back to the board and he explained us about the Newton Laws. I don't care about that, and I bet most of my classmates are just like me. Then I felt a chill running down my spine. I don't know what it was, but it felt good.

     In the next minutes, I watched my classroom and stared at my classmates. I don't know why. But one thing i was sure of. I am lucky to be placed in this school. My classroom is not to big, enough for 30 people, yet my classmates are just 25 including me. But the air conditioner, the projector, and the teachers, made my classroom more exceptional than the first I came into it. Every lessons are taught in English, and that's not common in my country. It takes big amount of money to send your children into an international school. That's why I said I am lucky to be here. But that is another thing. My eyes were caught by the red beep signal in the upper right-hand corner of my phone, which means I still have messages I haven't read yet. But I better wait for the bell, I don't want to risk of the annoying man taking my phone.

Ling-a-ling-a-ling. The bell rang.

     I quickly grabbed my phone and re-typed my password to unlock it. I went straight to the Messenger and there I saw it was a message from my mom. My real mom, because you can't send message in the messenger if you're not approved. My friends were already standing and starting to get out of the class, some were even running, but I remained still to read my mom's message. As I open it, I could see her photo with my little sister just over the text box. But I didn't pay so much time to stare at it. I ran over and over the message. My eyebrows were high. My jaw dropped. I can't believe what i was seeing. I re-read the message all over again, but it changed nothing. I was lost in a disbelief when one of my friend came to me and smiled, then she said, "Congratulations, Kay".

    

   

Suatu Ketika di Masa Kini.

langkah kaki ku masih tertahan.

gelap malam menyulam kelam.

tak tersisa cahaya di depan.

aku buta ditengah alam.

tak acuh aku tanpa sinar.

bukan benda yang aku tatap.

tatapanku jauh,

jauh . . .

menembus memori dan waktu.

ke depan aku melihat,

dua bayang saling mengunci mata,

canggung. mereka tak bersua.

saling bercermin pada apa yang telah lewat.

ke belakang aku merasa,

dua bayang membuat janji,

dusta kecil yang tak pernah ditepati.

dua menyesal, mungkin tak cukup.

satu terbang, dan yang satu menutup.

aku bukan sendu.

aku cuma jemu.

aku jemu pada yang semu.

hey,

apakah kamu, sama dengan semu?

 

draveil, 28 februari 2012.

(R)ASA.

kalau hati sudah tak merasa,
hentak lah sampai retak,
sulam sampai tangan lebam,
bilas juga sampai jelas.

kukejarmu, berlarimu.
bersalahku, menudingmu.
bias semua. bias.
entah dunia siapa yang aku jelajah.

pergi kamu, datang aku.
datang aku, kamu usir.
tak apalah..
mungkin belum aku tersenyum.
hingga tak pantas mengetuk pintu.

seuntai kata, dan sebatang bunga.
satu maaf dari anonim.
pikirkah kamu itu gemerlap?

ah..hati mulai mengikis.
rasa mulai berlari menjauh,
meninggalkan aku, yang masih keruh.

kalau hati mulai tak merasa,
ah..sudahlah.


draveil, 20 februari 2012

Seberang.

5 bulan sudah aku di sebrang.
tertawaku,
menangisku,
merinduku,
semua tampak tak nyata.

satu hal yang aku tak dapat:
keramaian benci aku,
keramahan malu-malu.
semua tampak tak nyata.

kini aku ditarik,
ditempa, katanya.
penat iya pedih iya
hati sempit tak melihat konkrit.

asa mungkin tak ada,
cinta mungkin juga.
tua mendekat,
ajal mungkin juga.

masihkah aku akan tertawa?
tercandu tangis dan merindu?



draveil, 20 februari 2012

lantunan senja.

langit abu, awan menghilang.

cabang-cabang terlihat sendu,

meski angin terus mendesir.

apa perlu aku bicara?

aku ingin pulang!

untuk sekali aku membuka mata,

bangku terselimut sunyi,

burung mengicau hampa.

hembusan pasir, dan rumah-rumah kecil.

tidak ada tawa disini.

apa perlu aku bicara?

aku ingin pulang..

draveil, 14 februari 2012.